Asshole Party: Weird Keyword Searches That Lead People to Your Blog
I am an actual freak about search engine history as a way to study behavior. I regularly share my search history on Facebook because it’s somehow the most truthful and entertaining version of my week. Where else would I be held accountable to answer hard-hitting questions about the way I live my life that led me to consecutively search “Gary Busey rants,” “Nick Nolte mugshot,” and “falcon punched in the eye?”
My main motivation for blogging, I would say, is to get search referral traffic so I can study the search terms that lead people to the weird selection of things I like to write about.
That’s mostly a joke.
But really, if you write a blog, take a look at what keywords lead people to find your blog and get ready to be amazed.
This week, for example, someone found this here classy blog by searching for “asshole party.”
They might have been looking for this curated list of books from the “Asshole Party” genre on goodreads. Maybe they were looking for the Spring Hill, Florida thrash metal band Asshole Party. I guess I hope they were looking for this rant on something called Trollplay Forums, where the author eloquently wrote, “I’m looking at you, me from two hours ago. Get your hands out of your pants you raging bulgemunch!”
What would you wear to an asshole party anyway? Affliction? A fedora? Both? I think this manual from Cj de Silva has some tips:
Anyway, I hope this little guy is there:
Remember when the internet held the promise of access to academic research? How it claimed to connect people to their families and loved ones? Instead, I think the reality of the usage breakdown is something like 60% porn, 20% connecting with family and loved ones, 10% academic research and 10% weird Google searches like “asshole party.”
This is why we blog, people. This is why we study search engine optimization. This is what we’re working for.
Not really. I’m sure you’re here on business. You’re very important, I know, so I’ll make it quick. It is my joy and duty to formally welcome to the asshole party.
Thanks for showing up, regardless of what you searched to get here.